Mother, Did You Know?

The air is filled with the sweet smell of hot cocoa, peppermint mochas, and the sights of bundled up, red-nosed babies....Christmas season is here!

Among the hustle and bustle, Advent has begun. The anticipation of Christ. The desire to see all things made new. A God on a rescue mission to save the world from darkness and sin with His own son; a precious babe in a manger. Our Savior's story begins here.

 

Mary, Did You Know?

I have so many favorite Christmas songs. My absolute favorite song is "Mary, Did You Know". I can't hardly get through the song without shedding several tears. There are so many feels! The song, first and foremost, reminds me how humble Jesus was to come to us in the way that he did. Not a King, not floating down from heaven--a helpless, dependent little baby. I'm not sure there's much else that comes quite that close to extraordinary humility. Second, as a mother, I identify with this song in very deep places of my heart.

I can't imagine what it must have been like to be the mother of Jesus. To submit to such a holy calling of bringing God's Son into the world. Her faith was deeply anchored in God, despite her fears I'm sure.

Mother, Did You Know?

If you listen closely to the song, the lyrics ask if Mary knew of all the things Jesus would one day do. Did she realize the magnitude of what this little baby, whom she was holding and nourishing and caring for, was going to accomplish? His unconditional love wrapped in a universal and purposeful plan to save the entire world, including her? 

"Did you know that your Baby Boy 

has come to make you new?

This Child that you delivered 

will soon deliver you."

Wow. 

It brings me to my knees in my motherhood.

 

Mother, do you know? You also hold an amazing gift of a child. A child that has been entrusted to you. God has big plans for your little ones, despite how long and tiring the days may feel. Despite how incredibly unfit and inadequate we feel to be mothers. But God knows and sees you. There is no other more perfect to fill this role for your child(ren). Motherhood is a holy calling. Just like He called Mary. We must anchor ourselves in faith that God will do mighty things with and through our children.

Mother, do you know? That what you are doing today will impact many tomorrow. Your unconditional love and sacrifice is a glimpse into the sweetness of the Gospel. Be near to the Lord. Be near to your children.

One of my favorite verses from the Christmas story,

"But Mary treasured up all these things

in her heart and pondered them"

Luke 2:19

As a mother, I'm not sure how else I'd respond seeing the sovereign display of all things heavenly and earthly colliding in a simple stable over my new baby. The Great I Am had come. 

Your greatest gift is Jesus. Cling to Him and teach your children to do the same.

Peace and Joy to you mothers this season!

Merry Christmas!

Within These Walls

It's Wednesday. My morning is bustling with getting ready for kindergarten drop off. My goal by the time we leave the house: everyone fed, dressed (hopefully weather appropriate!) and have shoes. Most days we leave with at least 1 child crying, 1 or 2 children arguing with a sprinkle of sass and attitude. (Insert eye roll) You have no idea how tempting it is not to stop at the friendly, neighborhood Starbucks daily for some magical, brew of reassurance that all will be right in the world!

Our Walls

We are a growing bunch! A table of six now. Most days I look at our small, but cozy, condo and wonder how on earth we are doing this?! It is getting cramped up in here! But it honestly makes me reflect on the 5 almost 6 years we've lived here. I never would have guessed we would have had all our babies here! When we moved in I was pregnant with Emalyn, working full time, Joel working full time and in school full time. Life is so different now!

These walls to our home are very special to me. If they could talk they would speak of the many gatherings of people that have come and gone; new friendships and old. The hard conversations and many, many prayers that have been spoken. They would tell of the crazy children running round and round, the singing voices when we have family dance parties and the many holidays and birthdays celebrated. They could also tell of the arguments, sadness, brokenness and life obstacles that have been overcome within these walls. They could speak of Hope, of Christ, His provision and how much God is apart of our every day life.

New Walls

These walls bring me so much joy because this is our home and your home is wherever you live life with your family. But we have decided to start on another journey: A new set of walls. We are looking to buy a house, Lord willing. As exciting as it is for me to think about having more space (before I lose my ever-blessed mind), I am a little sad. We've made our family here. God has provided and shown us so much by living here, part of my heart with always remain within these walls. This is the only home my babies have ever known. It is especially humbling for me to think back to the beginning of our home because God provided in truly magnificent ways! We developed an amazing relationship with our landlord, who is a youth pastor, and his family. Both our families have continued to pursue the Lord as our relationship grew. Through the years of famine and plenty, they graciously helped us and continued to pray for God's provision of a full-time teaching job for Joel. I cannot speak of a more humbling and God-centered business relationship that I have witnessed first-hand. His words when we first started renting "We are thankful to have believers living here. We see it as God's money just exchanging hands". What a testimony they have been to us!

God's House

As I think about moving and where that will be, I have been praying already for quite awhile. I saw God hand-pick our condo. He gave us so much to be thankful for while living in our condo. He gave us our close church community. He gave us an amazing location for our condo, so that while we spent a handful of years with only one car we were able to walk to countless places on a daily basis from grocery stores to parks to church and more!

I want Him to hand-pick our house.

I obviously have a list (ehem, long list!) of things I want but ultimately, I want my family to be moved where God wants us to be. I look forward to a neighborhood to minister to and spread the love of God. I even think about the entire house-buying transaction and how God will be intimately involved in that and the people he will hand-pick to help guide us. I already see him providing our necessary funds and opportunities to save what we need. I pray about all the impossibilities that can really weigh on us, or what seem like impossibilities in the real estate market, and know that it is NOT impossible for God to find us the right house for our family. I think of the gatherings, over-night guests and hospitality we will have in our house, and pray for God to show us the best place where we can invite others into our home. My mind is FLOODED with so many thoughts and dreams of our future home! 

I want to look back over this entire journey and revel in every big and small facet of the entire process and see the beauty of God's provision, timing and will for this new home!

Small Spaces, More Love

There is one thing from these walls that I believe we have received far better than anything else--a closeness and deep love for our family. When you don't have many other rooms to go to, other distractions or have to share a bedroom with your sibling, a deep closeness develops. When you have an argument with your spouse but aren't separated by many other walls--a closeness develops. When you need to clean house but only takes 20 min or so, then you can spend more time with your children--a closeness develops. I'm not saying it's all roses every day, but I will say I have witnessed many sweet moments among my children that I know is fruit from living in such a small space. We get creative, whether by necessity or not, and it really helps bring our family to a whole new level. I will miss that. I do pray we can continue and keep this closeness no matter where we live! 

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established through knowledge. Its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3-4

God bless our home today and in the future!

A Letter For Kindergarten

Dear Emalyn,

It is the night before you go to kindergarten. I realize you are not going off to college. Thank goodness! But I can hardly believe it's here! I'm so proud of you. Looking at you today, I know you are more than ready! It would only be selfish of me to not let you go. I want you to spread your wings baby girl! It's time.

This will be your first experience in school. You have been with me EVERY DAY, ALL DAY for the past 5 years. I have loved every minute of it. I know we have our hard days, but you are blossoming into a beautiful young lady--inside and out! I have watched your heart grow with compassion for others and a love to share Jesus. I have watched your mind grow in knowledge and new experiences. I have watched you welcome 3 new siblings into our home in the last 5 years.

When I think about you moving onto your next adventure of Kindergarten, I am very excited for you! I know you will make plenty of new friends. You will be an enthusiastic learner and helper. You will care for those who are hurt or need help. You will bound out to the car every day when I come to pick you up with an overflowing excitement of all that you did. Your laughter and joy will be contagious to your classmates.

Emalyn, I'm going to miss you. I know it will only be 2.5 hours (praise The Lord for half day!), but I know this is the beginning of your years upon years in school. I'm thankful for this stepping stone of Kindergarten--but I am mostly excited for the world to see who you are! And for Christ's love to shine through you, as it already does!

Sometimes, I am nervous to think about what you might experience at school for the first time and I won't be there to talk you through it or comfort you. But that's ok. I know you are a big girl and will make good decisions no matter what others may think. I want to give you a few things to remember while you are in school--but really these things will be valuable to you no matter where you go in life.

Be a Friend. Take the time to make new friends. Be a friend to someone just like you, someone who is different than you and be a friend to someone who needs help. 

Kids Can Be Mean. It's ok. Do your best to walk away or get help if you need it. Your feelings may get hurt, but remember mean people are usually hurting inside too. Your identity is in Christ, not what other people say about you.

Love to Learn. Embrace learning. Soak it in. Knowledge is power. Find things you love and learn all about them.

Make Mistakes. It's ok to make mistakes, in fact, I give you permission and even encourage you to make mistakes. That is the best way to learn and the best way to succeed. 

Different is OK. Everyone is different and that's ok. Everyone does things differently than you. Everyone comes from different families. It is ok to learn, ask questions and accept different. It is never ok to hurt someone because they are different from you in any way.

Take Risks. In friendships, in learning new things and in life! Learn to take a leap of faith. You'll miss out on some incredible adventures without taking a risk.

Play. You need to play as often as you can! Use your imagination and creativity; in the classroom and at home.

Be Jesus. Love others as Jesus loves you. It may not always be fun or kids may not always understand but God sees you doing it and that's all that matters.

Pray. When you are happy and excited, tell Jesus! He loves to hear that from you. Pray also when you are hurt or need help or don't know what to do. He will guide you and give you what you need...always.

My sweet daughter. You are the love of my life and I am so honored to be your mom! Raising you is such a joy for me. I thank God every day for entrusting me with you. I am accountable to Him for you. Every day your father and I do our best to teach you, love you and raise you to be an amazing young woman who loves Jesus and others deeply. I know He will take care of you while you are away. You are going to move mountains! I cannot wait to see all the things you will accomplish!

Kendra, Benjamin, Caleb and I will be waiting in the car every day after school for you!

I love you,

Mom

3 Months

Turning A Corner

Has it really been 3 months since your birth day? It feels right and fast all at the same time. Our little family has definetly adjusted to our new way of life. It is beginning to feel farther and farther away since I did not know a time that you were with me, Benjamin and Caleb. I am growing so in love with you as each day passes. 

You both are now at a much different place than you were after you were born. We can hold conversations now. You are content when you are away from me for longer periods of time. We are all sleeping better! And you both have so much personality! It is so fun observing your similarities and differences, even at this young age. 

Benjamin

My sweet Ben. You are a fierce little one! You are so content and happy and love to smile and coo! But when you are mad, you go from 0 to 60 in milliseconds. I can already tell you will be a determined little boy! I believe you will be a leader with much verocity and passion. You also love people! You look at me until you catch my eye, then give me the biggest smile. You reach for your brother's hands when you are nursing. And you love to talk with Emalyn and Kendra; cooing and getting very excited. I can tell you have a lot to say and perhaps wished your body was more developed because of the way you grunt and growl. I'm sure you wish you could just start talking now! You are also a very strong little boy, pushing off of things with your legs. Ben, you make me happy! I love watching you and loving you. I pray you will know Jesus as your personal savior. I believe together, you and Him, will move mountains!

Caleb

My charming Caleb. You are a gentle spirit. Your cries strike my heart every time. I want to hold you and make everything right when I hear you. You are very observant! You look around this big world with huge eyes, soaking it all in. Sometimes I wonder exactly what you must be thinking with everything you see! I know you are excited when you start stomping your foot and making loud noises. You also love to coo and smile at me! And your sisters adore you! I think you will be gracious and helpful to those around you. You love colors and pictures. I can tell you love Benjamin very much. When he's upset, it's not long until you are upset with him. I believe, one day, you will be a good friend and good listener to so many. You will laugh and cry and sympathize with others. You will be there for them when life is rough. That is a wonderful thing to know how to "feel" and help others to do the same in this world that can be cold and broken in so many ways. I love you and love watching you grow! Jesus loves people just like you. I pray you too will know Jesus as your personal savior. 

Long Days, Short Years

I can't believe it has been 3 months with the boys, just like I can't believe I'll have a kindergartner in August. The days are long but man are the years flying! 

I'm amazed at how demanding these young motherhood years can be. No one tells you just what to expect. And I'm not really sure it would ever be possible to be able to share exactly what it's like to a new mom-to-be. She has to experience it her way, on her terms, with her very own child. Motherhood is something I always wanted but I never knew how tough and rewarding it is and continues to be. I wouldn't change it! I am thankful that these precious gems have been entrusted to us and thankful I know the God who will help us raise them well. I have days when I get overwhelmed thinking about all of my kids' futures and the long journeys we all have ahead but it's about the moment right now, this day. I need today and just today to see the love growing in our family. 

My littles are the grace I need, the joy I smile over and the love that spills out all over this house. That must be how God loves and sees me as His child. To God be the glory in my motherhood!

Double Take

Have you ever had a season in your life where your emotions are all over the place? Whether one moment you're sobbing in a melting puddle on the floor and the next minute laughing so hard you can't catch your breath? Yup, I'm in one of those seasons! It's called the Newborn Season.

Enter the Newborn(s)

This may be your first time through mommy-hood or you might be a veteran but either way, no matter who you are, newborns will take you down with no mercy! They may seem like sweet, little, innocent beings filled with rays of sunshine after they are born, so cuddly, but bring them home and all bets are off for the next 3 months! (Ok, really the next YEAR but I'll try not to make those of you who haven't had a newborn yet run for the high hills!) And try TWO newborns at once! ....ill get to that more later.

In any case, newborn season ain't no joke. It's boot camp. Your goal is to come out alive. I've never been to boot camp, but I'm willing to put my money on it. And though this is my third go-around at this season, you'd think I'd have it together and skate on through....well you'd be wrong! The biggest weapon newborns have against us during this season is sleep deprevation. Because this is the tool our sweet, little offspring use that wipes "newborn season" out of our memory with a quick blur, to which we look back and say, "that wasn't so bad!" To which we procreate again and BAM back to newborn season where we say, "Gah! I totally forgot about this! How do I DO THIS?!" And repeat.

Been There Done That....I Think

So here I am, kid #3 & #4 (yes we had twins!). I've done newborn season but not with two at once. If you had been a fly on the wall our first night home you probably would have laughed at us and thought, "They must be first time parents!" Except that we've done this TWICE before. We put our two older kids to bed, then struggled the whole night trying to figure out how to sleep, where to sleep and who holds which baby because we forgot to put up any 'baby holding' contraption, like a swing or bouncy seat. This was not working. We somehow stumbled through our first week home. And yes, we finally managed to get our swings up (even though our boys decided they didn't like their swings 3 weeks in....just like a newborn right??)!

But now, here we are, 8 weeks later and it's a bit (seriously, just a bit) more smooth. I remember now that, in my experience, it's not worth the mental and emotional stress trying to figure out newborns. They are a whole different animal! Believe me, your 3 week old will seem very different by month 4 or 5. You won't even believe it's the same child! And so my advice is that newborns are like surfing....just ride the wave and you'll make it to shore!

Riding the Wave

So this is how I, personally, ride my "motherhood wave" these days. I realize, and believe, there is no narrow road (or wave if you will) to mothering. You HAVE to do what works for you! No two women, children or families are the same and neither are their journeys through life. We all need different things. So with that being said, here are some of my new life's adventures that might serve up a bit of laughter for your day! It does for me anyway....!

Twins 

Ok, so at this point my entire life is consumed by feeding people. No seriously. Feeding people with my body, making food in the kitchen to feed people or making food to feed myself. And because I spend a majority of my time feeding the twins on the couch all day long, I recently experienced an a-typical day and found myself posting this success on my multiples mommy group Facebook page:

"Twins are 4 weeks old (EBF) and yesterday I accomplished: unloading and loading dishwasher, cutting up a whole pineapple and putting dinner (pre made by a friend!) in the oven...and still kept all 4 children alive! I know you all understand. #Twinning"

Or this:

"While my hubby and I were watching a documentary on sea lions: "After nursing their pups for an extended amount of time, the moms leave them behind in search of food" You got that right!! I hear ya girl, it's rough." #Truth #NursingLikeTheAnimalKingdom"

 

And then eventually I graduated to this:

"Anyone else carry their Breastfriend nursing pillow around the house when your twins fall asleep, doing miscellaneous activities (such as wiping your older childrens' bottoms, getting more coffee, etc)?? No? Just me? .....nurse on...."

These are all real posts! This is real life with twins. 

This is my nursing pillow: 

The last post inspired a mom to comment that not only does she do exactly what I do (walking around the house with the pillow) but that she has fantasized about how wonderful it would be if there was a way to attach suspenders! Ha! That sounds genius to me and made me think of this:

*Note: No babies have been or will be injured in the "carrying of the nursing pillow". This activity only happens when no other options are available. Precaution is always observed.*

Here's a few things I have found different (and quite honestly hallarious!) on this new go-around during this season having a 5 year old, 2.5 year old and newborn twins:

• There will always be someone who's unhappy

• Peeing more than 2x in a 24-hour period is a win

• Remembering to use the bathroom is even better

• Doing things one-handed is a dream

• Taking for granted the ease of nursing 1 baby in public

• Babywearing is a must

• Lazy Boy recliner was one of the best purchases we have EVER made! Without it, I would not sleep. At all.

• Finding out I can prepare meals, wipe bottoms and a few other small tasks, all the while carrying my nursing pillow (yes I'm sure it's not the best idea, but without this magical power my children would never leave the toilet and starve all day!)

• Never underestimate the hunger of a twin-nursing mama (No really, eating is my job at this point)

Being In The Moment

Yes, I've listed many funny things about this time in my life. And the honest truth is that I try not to take too much too seriously. I want to enjoy this time. Trust me, I have hard days when I can't wait until my older girls go to bed or I'm maxed out on being touched for the day by 10:30a. It's not all roses. But I'm choosing to see these moments as God's grace, His little blessings for our family. I love all of my children! It's crazy that this is how He intended our family to unfold. 

As a mom of 4, my goal each day is to help everyone survive, including myself,....literally, if everyone is breathing by the time Joel gets home it's a huge SUCCESS! But I also want to spend at least a few intentional minutes with each child (even both newborns!). For my 5-year old this may look like playing a game  with her while I nurse the twins, with my 2.5 year old this may look like giving her extra snuggles and kisses. For the boys it's taking moments getting to know their coos and smiles separately and learning their different personality traits.

Our boys are gifts. And I'm learning more about each of them every day. I forgot how satisfying a newborn's smile and coo are! I take every opportunity I can to get Benjamin and Caleb to smile. I love it! That moment makes all that I'm doing for them worth it. Watching our girls love their brothers and have such mothering tendencies towards them is so wonderful. There is so much love in our house that it is spilling out all over the place. We actually have to tame it! It's a beautiful thing.

I am continually amazed that I'm a twin mom. Wow. I mean, I know I went through the entire 9 months, felt them kicking, delivered them, nourish them daily and still....I'm blown away that we were blessed with two! It's truly humbling. Scary at times when I think of raising two of the SAME age at the SAME time, but I can see the endless provision God will and has already provided.

God is so AWESOME isn't He?! Praising Him moment by moment in this crazy mess that we get to partake in called Life.

Two More Blessings

The Hour Is Near

It's hard to believe I am in the final weeks of carrying our twin boys! What a journey it has been learning about twin pregnancy, twin delivery, raising twins and everything else in between! I still find myself in awe that God gave us two little blessings at the same time! The last few years our family has experienced so many obstacles and yet so much faithful and timely provision by our Lord. This pregnancy has only been a confirmation to me that God will continue to take care of our family. My love and joy for Christ has increased daily! It may not feel like it in the day to day of raising little humans and taking care of their needs, but as I tend to my children I see how much more God tends to my needs and cares for me.

Motherhood is such a gift and such a hard road all at the same time. Every day is a chance for me to depend further on Christ as Joel and I raise our littles and show them who Jesus is!

Love Multiplies

Yup, we're doubling our offspring two-fold! And though that may sound terrifying (and trust me, I have my moments!), it is a gift! Joel and I have always had the capacity to love children and desire a larger (or what our culture would consider large) family. I have found amazing support and encouragement from friends, family and other multiples mommies. It's truly incredible how God designs twins! He has also given us two beautiful daughters who are beyond excited to have two little brothers to care for. It was this time a year ago, that my oldest daughter, Emalyn, informed me she had begun asking Jesus for a brother. On several occasions she told me (and others outside our home!) about this prayer she was praying and that Jesus always answered "Yes!" I thought it was very sweet that she was so in tune with prayer and loving Jesus. Once we found out we were having TWIN BOYS we reminded Emi of her prayer. She was beside herself that God did answer her prayer, not just for one brother, but she was getting two! It's amazing to witness the journey God has given our family with all 4 of these little blessings.

Peace

"He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul..." These words are life-giving. In the final weeks of pregnancy transitioning to motherhood can be a very scary and anxious time. There can be so many unknowns! The birthing process is something truly beautiful, but it is also a very mental and emotional obstacle that every woman has to conquer on her own. In her own way. Our husbands, like mine, are amazing supporters and encouragers, but it comes down to the mother herself that must labor and deliver this precious gift. It's very sobering. I have found myself excited to meet my boys and at the same time frustrated I don't get to see them until I go through all the pain of getting them here. The pain is worth it because I love these boys! Just as Jesus loved us so much to endure pain on the cross and bring us the gift of eternal life! 

Birth is truly Gods mysterious design. He is in control. He brings restoration to our souls, even in these final moments of a woman becoming a mother. It's a beauty no human being could dream up. It's truly divine! And so this verse reminds me that He is leading me. My future, the boys and our family are all in His sovereignty and I need these quiet pastures. I need His comfort. I'm thankful for my shepherd!

My Boys

You both will be here soon! I feel you every day moving! Sometimes I'm pretty sure one of you have woken up the other to play. God has protected all 3 of us on this journey and for that I am truly thankful! You are His precious gift that He is entrusting to your father and I. You have two VERY excited big sisters who cannot wait to meet you! They have big plans to teach you so many different things and how to take care of you. We have a beautiful home filled with love, fun, dance parties, adventures, learning and most importantly the love of Jesus. You will love it! It's going to be fantastic growing our family together! I pray for you too. I've never raised boys before, so I feel a bit intimidated. But I see your father and hope you will be like him one day, but in your own, unique way. I pray that you will know Jesus early in life as your Saviour. I pray you both will discover your own unique gifts and talents that you can use to impact this world in great ways! I pray also that you will be kind, passionate, tender, bold, courageous, fierce, compassionate, generous, gentle, and loving men in a broken world. I pray also that you will learn how to love your sisters and treat them well so that some day you will make amazing husbands and fathers. 

I know God has great plans for both of you! Your father and I can't wait to watch you grow. See you both soon!

Love, Mom