I've been thinking a lot lately about my dreams. I've been thinking about what dreams I had before I had children. The dreams I might have had in college, even as a child. And I've been thinking most importantly about God's dreams.
The dreams I used to have were not inherently bad. I mean, who doesn't want to get married? Have a house? Have children? Have enough money to take nice, not overly expensive, family vacations and pay for my children's college tuition? Or to dream of life being smooth and going the way I'd like? But I've begun to realize more and more in my life that those are really small dreams and I'm not so sure they're dreams at all. I think they might be closer to insecurities dressed up as dreams--they are rooted from a desire to live life for myself and to provide for myself without depending on God. Who dreams of being in a broken place so they can depend on God for everything? Who dreams about the Kingdom of God and eternity in a way that it effects every single moment of their every day decisions? Not me. But I want to.
I remember when I started to see some of my biggest dreams unravel before my eyes when I was laid off during my maternity leave with my first daughter. I was six weeks postpartum on a morning walk with her and I got the phone call. I was shocked and speechless. My mind started spinning. This was not part of our plan. I was supposed to continue working, Joel was working and still in school and wouldn't graduate for another 2 years. My job held our family insurance. I had a new little baby and no plan B. Now what?
As we graveled with this new turn in our lives, we prayed. Everything I had even thought about happening in the next 3-5 years was gone. Now I didn't know what would happen 6 weeks from now. I wasn't mad at God, but I was heartbroken. I loved my job and I loved my family. I couldn't see how God could possibly give us all we needed. We needed so many things!
That was June of 2011. As the weeks progressed, little by little our prayers were answered. Financial needs were taken care of. Joel was offered a promotion at work. I began looking for a new job and praying about what to do for child care.
I've learned by walking with God my dreams are far too small, and arent really dreams at all. When I think about the materialistic or comfortable life, especially in America, it sounds so appealing. At the same time I feel a small ping in my heart; deep in my soul. The echo of "That's it? That's all I want? Sounds like a life void of passion and risk. Sounds void of God's dreams". And you know what? It is. Because in that list I gave you above none of it is in the Bible. None (ok, yes marriage and children are in the Bible but it's not a requirement to have those things in order to follow God). So why do I want all those things? Because they feel like they can promise me a certain identity or image, security and worry-free days.
But I'm done with small dreams. I'm done with dreaming about American dreams. I want God to break my selfish, consuming dreams and start dreaming BIG about His dreams. What are God's dreams for my life? What are God's dreams for mankind? What are God's dreams for my neighbors, my kids, the injustices of the world? Now that's no small dream. His word tells us exactly what His dreams are. And we can be apart of it!
So I want to challenge and encourage you to let God break your dreams and give you bigger and better dreams for His kingdom. It might hurt, it most likely will, to break your dreams but I can promise you from my own experience (I will fill you in on what came of my broken dreams in Part 2 of this post) and talking with others who've had their dreams broken in a profound way, that broken dreams are the BEST kind because then--you really start dreaming!
