How to Build a Home

I have a confession. I love my family. My husband and daughters bring me so much joy. I love to plan and figure things out. I love to problem solve! I love being educated (except for anything involving math) and enjoy stimulating conversations on a variety of topics! I enjoy digging into God's word, being obedient and following His statues. I love working in our home physically (I still have yet to complete washing/folding a load of laundry since Kendra has been born), emotionally and mentally. I intentionally started this blog because of my conviction from The Lord how to raise and love our family. Everything I listed is good, and maybe even things you enjoy, but they're all about me. They are all my intentions for how I want things to be done. I am continually energized by my accomplishments and ability to prove somebody or something wrong of their perceived skepticism. Though many of the things I listed are not inherently wrong and my intentions for the most part good, it's always centered around me. I confess that if things don't happen according to my plan, in my time, I feel like a failure. I confess that I'd rather figure something out, find the answers, talk to someone than pray and depend on Christ alone; above anything else on this Earth.

Shocking? I know. And I have to admit, I'm guessing I'm not the only one. I've constantly struggled with balancing stewardship vs trusting God, responsibility vs dependence on God and so on. Perhaps as a woman (maybe even a blonde!) I have gotten stuck in believing the culture we live in that promotes independence, intelligence, and self-reliance. Though not bad qualities, for a Christ follower these can, however, be a slippery slope to distrusting God, feeling trapped, and relying on things or people that will leave you void. Oh and not to mention rob you of complete and utter joy.

As a mom and wife, I have been convicted that my good intentions to follow my selfish desires, effects my relationship with my husband, daughters and most importantly my relationship with God. In the ministry God has given me in our home, I want everything to be under the canopy of Gods grace and love. I have to start by allowing myself grace and know that only my dependence and trust in Christ will accomplish that. If I'm really honest, sometimes praying first just seems like a dead end. I'm too anxious about something tangible I can do. I strongly desire to exhaust all my options BEFORE I ask, confide or depend on Christ. Ironically, when I turn to Christ first I may not have all my problems solved but I have more peace. Which is not ironic at all but exactly how God is able to use my brokenness to glorify Him (2 Cor. 4:7-9).

So my home. My family. Psalm 127:1, explains it well: Unless The Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless The Lord guards the city, the watchmen lay awake in vain. 

I love this! Because it is easy for me to labor in vain. Matthew Henry's commentary nails it on the head. Ill let him say it: "Let us always look to God's providence. In all the affairs and business of a family we must depend upon his blessing. 1. For raising a family. If God be not acknowledged, we have no reason to expect his blessing; and unless he crowns them with success. 2. For the safety of a family or a city. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchmen, though they neither slumber nor sleep, wake but in vain; mischief may break out, which even early discoveries may not be able to prevent. 3. For enriching a family. Some are so eager upon the world, that they are continually full of care, which makes their comforts bitter, and their  lives a burden.  All this is to get money; but all in vain, except God proser them: while those who love the Lord, using due diligence in their lawful callings, and casting all their care upon Him, have needful success without uneasiness or vexation. Our care must be to keep ourselves in the love of God; then we may be easy, whether we have little or much of this world. But we must use the proper means very diligently. Children are God's gifts, a heritage, and a reward; and are to be accounted blessings, and not burdens: he who sends mouths, will send meat, if we trust in him. They are a great support and defense to a family. Children who are young, may be directed aright to the mark, God's glory, and the service of their generation; but when they are gone into the world, they are arrows out of the hand, it is too late to direct them then. But these arrows in the hand too often prove arrows in the heart, a grief to godly parents. Yet, if trained according to God's word, they generally prove the best defense in declining years, remembering their obligations to their parents, and taking care of them in old age. All earthly comforts are uncertain, but the Lord will assuredly comfort and bless those who serve him; and those who seek the conversion of sinners, will find that their spiritual children are their joy and crown in the day of Jesus Christ."

So i've decided to intentionally let God build our home, with His grace.  I know that it is a battle every day to submit to what He wants for our family, home and life.  But I am tired.  I am tired of trying, struggling, to build my home and my family under my own efforts.  I cannot do it.  I need His grace and Truth. I need Christ to build our home; to build our marriage and the relationships with our daughters. This is a home I want to live in. A home I want to raise my family in.