Am I Doing This Mom-thing right?

"Is she being disobedient? Or does she just misunderstand? Lord, help me know the difference, and give me wisdom to teach and correct her.”

 

As the mother of two daughters (ages four and two), I find myself praying this almost all day long. I've been a parent for four years, but I’m the first to admit I’m still learning. I have spent much of my time searching Scripture, talking to veteran parents, and praying for God's direction as my husband and I raise these little ones. Striving to parent Biblically and knowing how and when to discipline can be a challenge, but with God’s help, I've found a few good bumpers to guide me along my parenting journey that I hope encourages you. 

 

Think First, Then Respond

Take a moment to assess the situation, instead of immediately reacting. When emotions are running high, a knee-jerk reaction can frustrate you and your child. Both of you can lose sight of reality. You know your child better than anyone. Giving yourself time to think can help you determine the right response for the situation. This will help you determine if it is a deliberate act of disobedience or something your child may simply not understand. 

 

Use Teachable Moments

Shortly after my first daughter turned three, I noticed a disrespectful attitude. This was a teachable moment for us, so I took the time to talk with her about our expectations and what it means to have a good attitude. Teachable moments are most effective the first time an offense happens. In the moment you can help your child understand the right choice to make in those situations. This helps you to better discern defiance because you know that if that behavior is repeated, they are willingly choosing to disobey. For younger children who cannot communicate with you just yet (such as befor the age of one, for example), it’s still possible to have teachable moments by talking with them while demonstrating what they should do, like tapping the chair with your hand so they know they need to sit rather than stand. Very young children are able to comprehend many of your expectations before being able to verbally communicate them back to you.

 

Know Their Heart

As a parent it's easy to get in the rut of behavior modification. Because, let's be honest, most days you feel like the house police trying to keep everything in order . . . . it's exhausting! Parenting requires constant attention to identifying repeated offenses and correcting disobedience. It’s helpful to be aware of what is going on in their heart. “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9). Even at these young ages, their hearts are dictating the choices they are making long before it shows up in their behavior. I have found from being acutely aware of my daughters’ feelings, that situations or transitions that surround her daily can all directly affect behavior and obedience. These are not excuses for disobedience, but taking time to observe the motivation of their actions might help you uncover what they might be struggling with. 

 

Be Firm in Your Decisions

Disobedience has occurred. Now what? Correction and discipline are probably some of the hardest things parents have to do. We choose to discipline because we love our children. We can confidently rebuke them because we are rescuing them from the decisions they are making that could harm them. We need to be willing to correct the sin and point them in the right direction. Discipline is not easy, but if we desire them to know Christ we must help them learn to obey and to hate sin.

 

Bring the Gospel

My favorite part of discipline (I'm sure you're thinking, There is one?) is the end. We can give our children a taste of what Christ offers through the gospel each time we correct and rebuke them. After our four-year-old has admitted her sin and asked for forgiveness,we tell her we love her and we say, "discipline is over!" she immediately turns from tears to a beaming smile and wraps her arms around us. This is my favorite part because our relationship is restored and she sees that her slate is clean. I don’t hold anything against her. And she knows! 

The Bible tells us that Christ died for us so we can have a clean slate with Him and a restored relationship if we choose it. Receiving our children with open arms will show them unconditional love and the powerful love God bestowed on us through His Son. 

Go forth mamas and love those kiddos--God's grace is enough for you too!

 

 

 

(Thanks to a sweet mama friend for dropping this gem off and reminding me we are all in this together!)

2 Minute Tuesdays: Wake Up Call

It's 6:00a.m. The children are up and full of life....again. And I find myself debating between turning on a show so I can quietly slip back into my peaceful dreams hoping my 2 year old won't notice and grab another half hour of sleep tucked tightly under my covers or just embracing the cold chill in the air and muster up some sort of consciousness to put together two bowls of Cheerios; one bowl with milk and one without....I mean, we have priorities over here (I'd be roasted across the coals if I didn't remember). But of course, my decision is always made for me because while in my drowsy, semi-awake, debating state there are growing demands piling by the second, "I'm hungry" "Where's my underwear?" "I want ______" "Mom! Look at me!" 

Thank goodness for my constant companion dripping and sizzling away on the counter providing a sweet, caffeinated aroma in the air that brings me to my senses! Mamas, I feel you. These mornings (er, every morning!) is TOUGH! There's not much gradual ease into our mornings when you're thrown right into the kitchen and the thrusts of life by VERY awake little people. Take heart that you CAN get out of the morning blues, that is, grieving your sweet covers and comfortable mattress that I'll wager you won't see again for another 16 hours; I know, it's better not to think about it, and get your day started off right. Get the kids their breakfast. Make yourself some delicious, soft or hard boiled eggs, smother those bagels with decadent cream cheese (because you'll burn it off anyways chasing the wee ones throughout the day!), or maybe whip up some quick French toast from the bread that's about to stale in the back of the fridge and your favorite mug of that sweet and robust medium roast companion that makes this morning even possible, and lastly your Bible. Sometimes two minutes may be all you have, but that is just enough time to drink in a verse or two. 

"He who obeys instructions guards his life, but he who is contemptuous of his ways will die. He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done" Proverbs 19:16-17

I cannot tell you how many times my sitting down in the morning with my Bible sets me up for my day. My attitude towards my kids, my husband, my heart, my priorities and even my dreams. What I read, what I hear the Lord speaking to me through these passages wakes me up and allows me to shed my selfishness and really LIVE today...in these moments, no matter what I thought my day would hold, it starts here. At the feet of my creator. And here's the thing, more often than not, what I am reading I either read aloud to my kids (because they're always super interested in EVERYTHING I do. Bless them) or I end up marinading over these sweet verses all day long and inevitably come upon an opportunity to show my kids what these verses mean and teach them (totally God, I know!).

So regardless of whether the kitchen is in disarray and it's just too darn early to keep both eyes open, take courage that this is right where you need to be. I hope you will see the Lord move in mysterious ways in the cool of the day when the sun rises, in the midst of crazy, early mornings.

And maybe, just maybe, you will be able to secure that afternoon power nap! 

Praying for you mamas.

2 Minutes

I've noticed lately that it only takes 2 minutes when you ask me questions. I'm usually washing dishes or picking up toys or helping your sister when you ask me, "why does God love us?" Or something similar. I always thought these serious, spiritual questions would happen when we are deep in conversation, and sometimes it does, but more often than not these questions pop up at a moment's notice while you're eating your breakfast cereal.

I've started to look for these moments to be ready to journey with your heart and mind to answer you as honestly and biblically as I can. It has led me to share the Gospel with you many times. Your questions challenge and strengthen my faith as I seek to grow your knowledge and love for Christ.

It was Saturday morning October 25th and we were on our way to daddy's football game. As we drove you began asking many spiritual questions. "Jesus died on the cross because He loves us right?" "That's right," we answered. You continued to talk about sin and ask us why we have sin. We told you exactly what the Bible says. We shared with you that we all have sin and we cannot escape our sin or get rid of it, only Jesus can. God is holy and is without sin and to be with him we too must be without sin. We continued to answer your questions. This was not rare for us to talk about these things, but I could tell your heart and mind were tracking together putting all these pieces into a framework. The conversation lasted about 10 minutes. Then we arrived at the football game.

Trusting Jesus

Later that afternoon our normal schedule resumed with naps and playing. I came into the bathroom to help you. Out of nowhere you asked, "Mom, why we do we get time outs and consequences?" So we talked about sin and then I shared the Gospel. I told you because of our sin, which is when we disobey, that we need to ask Jesus to forgive us. He's the only one who can help us get rid of our sin because of the cross and that he is alive! We need to pray and ask Jesus to forgive us and tell him we want to trust him and follow him. You didn't say anything. You hopped down and left. I finished up doing a few things in the bathroom and came out to find you standing in the living room praying. I sat quietly in the hallway. Your back was turned to me. You told Jesus you were sorry and asked for forgiveness. You asked Jesus to be faithful to you (yes you actually said the word faithful!) and that you wanted to follow him all of your days. I waited until you were done. You turned around, saw me, and ran over and said, "mom, I prayed asking Jesus to forgive me!". So we sat and talked about what you did and said for a few minutes; what it meant.

I have since been so thankful that I was able to witness your tender heart that moment! You pray often, but this seemed very different. I prayed that God would confirm to me that your heart was in the right place and that what you said was truly your own response to Christ. Though still young, I believe very much what Paul says in Romans 10:8-13 (...if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved...) is possible even at this age. I pray this is only the beginning of your relationship with Jesus and that it will deepen as you grow. 

Fruit of the Spirit

In Romans 7:4, Paul talks also about bearing fruit as a sign of true repentance. Emalyn, I have already seen fruit from your walk with God! You love to read the Bible, you love to pray and you have a very tender heart. One thing I have specifically noticed is your deep level of conviction. Daily, even several times a day, after disobedience, consequences and forgiveness has happened you will approach me a half hour or more later and apologize specifically for your disobedience. At first I thought it was isolated incidences, but I see now time and time again your heart of conviction runs deep and you are taking initiative to ask for true forgiveness. I always think I'll get used to this, but every time you do it I am truly blown away by your maturity and humility. I am humbled by you and challenged in my walk with Christ! I pray this strength of conviction stays with you as you get older. This conviction, I believe, will not only keep your heart tender but also grow a deep love for Christ and your understanding of what He has done for you through His grace and mercy. 

The other fruit that I see as evidence from your trust in Jesus is telling others about Jesus. You have taken several moments to sit Kendra down and read your Bible with her. You have told her that Jesus loves her. This, my daughter, means so much to me to see you loving your sister in that way but also spreading the love of Jesus to others! 

Trusting Jesus As A Mom

I am reminded often that it is these daily small moments that can mount to grand, eternal things. It might only take you two minutes to ask me a question that could change your life forever. I pray daily God gives me the wisdom and boldness in those moments to be there for you, pointing you to Christ. Your Dad encouraged me one summer with this verse when I was spending time at Young Life camp and it has always stuck with me: Isaiah 55:6 "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near." This is my prayer for you and for me as a mom. Every day I'm continually praying and seeking how to help you love Christ more and continue to establish your own relationship with him. I pray I would speak boldly of Christ at every turn in your life. Jesus will always know your heart better than I ever will, and for that I am thankful! He loves you and knows exactly what you need. I know that everything I teach you and show you about Jesus is not resting on my shoulders alone. Entrusting you to God is the hardest and most exciting thing I can ever do; it gives me incredible peace. Though I know you made this decision to trust Jesus, I pray that trusting him is a choice you make every day.

My sweet Emi, keep loving Jesus and loving others. I am praying for you always.

Broken [American] Dreams (Part 1)

I've been thinking a lot lately about my dreams. I've been thinking about what dreams I had before I had children. The dreams I might have had in college, even as a child. And I've been thinking most importantly about God's dreams. 

The dreams I used to have were not inherently bad. I mean, who doesn't want to get married? Have a house? Have children? Have enough money to take nice, not overly expensive, family vacations and pay for my children's college tuition? Or to dream of life being smooth and going the way I'd like? But I've begun to realize more and more in my life that those are really small dreams and I'm not so sure they're dreams at all. I think they might be closer to insecurities dressed up as dreams--they are rooted from a desire to live life for myself and to provide for myself without depending on God. Who dreams of being in a broken place so they can depend on God for everything? Who dreams about the Kingdom of God and eternity in a way that it effects every single moment of their every day decisions? Not me. But I want to. 

I remember when I started to see some of my biggest dreams unravel before my eyes when I was laid off during my maternity leave with my first daughter. I was six weeks postpartum on a morning walk with her and I got the phone call. I was shocked and speechless. My mind started spinning. This was not part of our plan. I was supposed to continue working, Joel was working and still in school and wouldn't graduate for another 2 years. My job held our family insurance. I had a new little baby and no plan B. Now what?

As we graveled with this new turn in our lives, we prayed. Everything I had even thought about happening in the next 3-5 years was gone. Now I didn't know what would happen 6 weeks from now. I wasn't mad at God, but I was heartbroken. I loved my job and I loved my family. I couldn't see how God could possibly give us all we needed. We needed so many things!

That was June of 2011. As the weeks progressed, little by little our prayers were answered. Financial needs were taken care of. Joel was offered a promotion at work. I began looking for a new job and praying about what to do for child care.

I've learned by walking with God my dreams are far too small, and arent really dreams at all. When I think about the materialistic or comfortable life, especially in America, it sounds so appealing. At the same time I feel a small ping in my heart; deep in my soul. The echo of "That's it? That's all I want? Sounds like a life void of passion and risk. Sounds void of God's dreams". And you know what? It is. Because in that list I gave you above none of it is in the Bible. None (ok, yes marriage and children are in the Bible but it's not a requirement to have those things in order to follow God). So why do I want all those things? Because they feel like they can promise me a certain identity or image, security and worry-free days.

But I'm done with small dreams. I'm done with dreaming about American dreams. I want God to break my selfish, consuming dreams and start dreaming BIG about His dreams. What are God's dreams for my life? What are God's dreams for mankind? What are God's dreams for my neighbors, my kids, the injustices of the world? Now that's no small dream. His word tells us exactly what His dreams are. And we can be apart of it! 

So I want to challenge and encourage you to let God break your dreams and give you bigger and better dreams for His kingdom. It might hurt, it most likely will, to break your dreams but I can promise you from my own experience (I will fill you in on what came of my broken dreams in Part 2 of this post) and talking with others who've had their dreams broken in a profound way, that broken dreams are the BEST kind because then--you really start dreaming!